Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
