My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
