just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
