just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
