I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
