so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
