hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I had your ass I would rule the world
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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