Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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