and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
