i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
