I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
