I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
