he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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