I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
