Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
