a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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