its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
