I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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