i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
