It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
