did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone came in the potted fern
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
