It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
