Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize