That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
