I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize