I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
