2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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