All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
