it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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