we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
