Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
