so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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