I was born with a shot glass in my hand
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
