Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
