I'm lost and stupid without you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
