I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
