Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
