I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
