I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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