he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize