we have officially lost it.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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