You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
