It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
