Fuck appropriateness.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
