When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
