I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize