you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
