cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
