You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
