im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
whose parrot is this?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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