Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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