The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
