I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
