"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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