I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize