cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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