people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize