I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
