We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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