Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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