Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
