I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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