like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
