I wish I could teleport
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
