he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize