some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
