You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
