Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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