She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Randomize
