Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
