I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
